This relationship contract was developed by one of my clients. It might help you think about what you might need from your partner in order to feel healthier in your relationship. Please read and share any comments that you would like about it.
If you’ve found a person you can truly see yourself growing old with, you’re going to need to make some promises to them. It’s important that you keep these promises throughout your relationship in order to continue building a trustful and loving foundation throughout both of your lifetimes. Among others, the following vows are meant to show just how much you care for your significant other, and how dedicated you are to your relationship. Place each of your initials on each promise to demonstrate and solidify your commitment to one another.
1. I promise to listen.
Relationships are also built around communication, and communication is a two-way street. If I want my voice to be heard, I must also be sure to listen to what my partner has to say. I promise to be open-minded, and try to see things from your perspective. In doing so, it will open the door to true understanding.
2. I promise to learn.
Relationships are hard work, especially if we’ve never been in a healthy one before. There is a lot to learn about how to treat a person you love, how to live with them, and how to grow together. We will make mistakes along the way, but as long as we learn from them together, our relationship will continue to flourish.
3. I promise to let you grow and help you be the best version of yourself.
As each person in a relationship is still an individual, we should both be free to grow as people, too. I promise to not hold you back from following your and dreams. I promise to have faith that your hard work and long work days will eventually pay off for our family. I will continue to foster a positive healthy environment for you and help you to be the best version of yourself. I promise to help you achieve your potential by constantly building you up.
4. I promise to live for us.
Remember, we are now living for a family, not just ourselves. I promise never to make major decisions without consulting you. I promise to discuss my wants, needs, hopes, and dreams together, and build our relationship upon a common ground.
5. I promise to find time and never get stuck in a routine.
No matter how hectic life gets, I will always find time to spend with you. I promise to never get complacent in our relationship, even after a long day of work. We should always want to take time out of the day to spend with each other. Don’t let time slip away; it’s the one thing we can never get back. I promise to try to keep things fresh and to try to do something new every week. I promise to make memories every single day.
6. I promise to work as a team and strive for equality
I promise to make sure I follow the Golden Rule in our relationship: do unto your partner as you would have done unto you. I promise to strive for a fair division of household duties and other tasks, and I won’t expect or demand special considerations I’d be unwilling to offer in return. I promise to mix up the chores, participate in the food shopping, washing the animals. I promise to never think of a task as “my boyfriend’s job” or “my girlfriend’s job,” “men’s work” or “women’s work.” We are in this together; and I promise to act like it.
7. I promise to show appreciation.
I promise to never get tired of making it clear to the world that I love you. I promise to hold your hand in public, and introduce you to new friends and coworkers as “my girlfriend” or “my boyfriend” or “my fiancé.” I promise to let you know on a regular basis what it is that I like most about you – what I admire, what makes me proud, what your strengths are in my eyes. Building a romantic relationship isn’t just about the initial bonding – it’s about encouraging and supporting each other’s growth over the course of our lives.
8. I promise to keep trying to win you.
Just because we’ve found each other doesn’t mean we can’t lose each other. I promise to do something every day that surprises you, or makes them feel worthwhile. Clean the house, send a loving text, surprise you at work,- anything at all to keep things fresh. By doing so, we will be proving our worth as well.
9. I promise to always pick up the phone.
I promise to never let a call from you go to voice mail if I can help it, you never know if the next call you get will be an emergency. I promise to show you that you’re your number one priority at all times.
10. I promise to love your family as my own.
When you fall in love, you’re not just adding one person to your circle of loved ones. You also add their entire family, and you should want to be a part of their circle, as well. I promise to learn their traditions, and visit them during the holidays. Be an aunt, uncle, big brother or big sister. I promise to be true to them as I would my own flesh and blood.
11. I promise to show affection.
Small acts of physical intimacy – the hand on the small of my back as you brush by in the hallway, your arm around my shoulder on the sofa, your hand on my thigh when seated side-by-side, holding hands while walking down the street – I promise to give you a warm feeling and convey the love and affection I feel for you.
12. I promise to share myself.
I promise not to keep my likes and dislikes, dreams and fears, achievements and mistakes, or anything else to myself. If it’s important to me, I will share it with you. More than that, I will be sure to share more with you than I do with anyone else.
13. I promise to be there for you.
It’s obvious what you need to do when you face a major life challenge like the loss of a job or the death of a loved one. But it’s just as important to be supportive when you face life’s little challenges, too – an argument at work, a rough commute, a bounced check.
14. I promise to be the voice of calm and reason when chaos strikes, to listen to what’s bothering you and offer whatever help – even if it’s just sympathy – I can.
15. I promise to be faithful to you.
I choose you to be my partner in life. I promise to love you and commit to only you. I take you to be my best friend, lover, and partner throughout this journey we are in together.
16. I promise to abstain from any drugs and alcohol.
I promise I will let my partner know when I am having a craving, and I will do whatever is necessary to curb the craving to stay drug, alcohol, and tobacco free. This includes, but is not limited to: marijuana, tobacco, alcohol, prescription drugs that I am not prescribed, street drugs, and/or anything else I know my partner will not approve of. If there are times when prescription drugs are deemed medically necessary, I will let my partner dispense them according to their dosage instructions.
17. I promise to continue in my part of rebuilding trust.
I promise to come clean and tell THE WHOLE TRUTH, NO WHITE LIES, HALF TRUTHS, AND/OR WITHOLDING OF ANY INFORMATION. I will admit all of my mistakes. Even if there are parts that I can keep hidden without getting caught, I promise to still reveal them to you. Only in admitting all my mistakes can I be forgiven for all of them. I promise to make as heartfelt apology if I have done anything that has hurt you and caused you to mistrust me. I will promise to recognize you are hurt, saying what I should have done instead, and doing that behavior in the future.
18. I promise to forgive myself.
When you violate someone’s trust, you may feel so regretful that you have a hard time forgiving yourself for the violation. While a repentant heart is an essential part of making up with the person you betrayed, you also need to accept and learn to forgive yourself after you put the effort into making amends. Remember that no one is perfect. Whether your error in judgment was minor or major, it goes to show that you are only human. Accept your failure, and try to push forward into the future. By clinging to thoughts of past failure, you risk devaluing yourself. Once you begin to have such thoughts, it could zap your motivation for self-improvement.
19. I promise to make my life transparent to you.
I promise to forfeit a portion of my privacy. I know that by making my life transparent, so that my partner will be able to confirm with their own eyes that I am not in the midst of another betrayal. I promise to give my significant other complete, uncensored access to my texts, phone logs, emails, and anything else requested for a few months after the betrayal. I promise to let you know where I am and who I am with whenever possible.
20. I promise to avoid making the same mistake at all costs.
Actions speak louder than words. Trust between two people means that I have to be dependable and consistent over a long period of time. I will make a promise to do better, but I understand a promise or apology alone will only restore trust short-term. If I can’t be honest in the future, or cannot do all that I promise to do, the person I betrayed will be unable to accept that I have changed or that I am worthy of being trusted again.
21. I promise to take nothing for granted.
I promise to cultivate a daily sense of gratitude for you and the thousands of little blessings you have brought into my life. Remember that, if I’m happy in our relationship, you are doing a thousand little things for me every day to make our relationship work (as, hopefully, I am for you). I promise to never take that for granted – a relationship is work of the highest order, and the second we stop it starts to slide away.
22. I promise to tell you I love you.
Although it’s true that actions speak louder than words, words often speak more clearly than actions. I promise to take a moment every now and then to verbalize my feelings for you. A simple “I love you” or “You mean the world to me” can go a long way towards making us feel wanted, cared for, and secure in our relationship
23. I promise to keep you.
I promise to keep you close, keep you with me at all times. Keep you on my mind, and in my heart. Keep you from danger, and keep you from falling. I promise to keep you in my life for as long as we both live.
I, ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬________________________________________, make these promises to ___________________________________, and
will do everything in my power to honor and keep them every single day of our lives together, dated ____________________.
I, ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬________________________________________, make these promises to ___________________________________, and
will do everything in my power to honor and keep them every single day of our lives together dated ____________________
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